Cyberpunk 2077's Top Blunt Weapons for Maximum Mayhem in 2025

In Night City’s concrete jungle, where chrome-plated punks and corporate sharks roam free, sometimes a good old-fashioned smackdown is the most satisfying solution. Forget fancy mantis blades or overheating smart guns—V’s true power lies in swinging heavy, unapologetic blunt weapons that turn skulls into abstract art. Whether channeling Johnny Silverhand’s anarchic spirit or embracing full cyberpsycho rage, these brain-bashing tools deliver pure, visceral joy. Just remember: in 2025, it’s not about if you crack heads, but how stylishly you do it. 🦾💥

Sir John Phallustiff: The Naughty Nightstick

After that unforgettable night with Meredith Stout, V gets more than emotional baggage—they get Sir John Phallustiff, a weapon so absurdly lewd it leaves enemies stunned (literally). Each swing boosts crit chance, while the sheer confusion of being whacked by a... personal massager guarantees psychological damage. High damage? ✅ Low stamina cost? ✅ Making scavs question their life choices? Priceless. People Also Ask: "Does Sir John Phallustiff scale well in late-game builds?" Well, it turns out pleasure and pain are timeless.

Gold-Plated Baseball Bat: Bling That Bleeds

For mercs who prefer bruises over bullet holes, this gaudy monstrosity is pure poetry. Every hit guarantees bleeding (100% chance!), while a 25% stun chance makes enemies rethink their career choices mid-swing. It’s fast, vicious, and screams "I looted a Corpo’s panic room." 😎 Pros? It’s basically a stat-check on legs. Cons? Cleaning blood off gold plating is a chore.

Murphy’s Law: When Everything Goes Right

This spoiled brat of blunt weapons laughs at RNG. Armor penetration? Bleeding? Stun? Shock? Murphy’s Law does it all, hitting multiple foes while barely denting stamina bars. Knock an enemy down? Attack speed skyrockets. It’s chaos incarnate—perfect for when V wants to roleplay as a tornado with a grudge. People Also Ask: "Is Murphy’s Law viable for stealth builds?" Stealth? With this cacophony of clobbering? Good luck, samurai.

Baby Boomer: Combo King of Carnage

Low stamina cost + rapid swings = a bleeding, stunned piñata party. Baby Boomer rewards aggressive combos; the more V whacks a target, the higher the crit chance. It’s elegant in its simplicity: swing fast, bleed often, and listen for the crunch. Perfect for cyberpsychos who enjoy counting fractures like baseball stats. ⚾️

Sasquatch’s Hammer: The Immovable Object

Post-2.0 buffs made this iconic beast even nastier… but at a cost. Wielding it means sacrificing sprinting, dodging, and dignity. Movement? Glacially slow. Damage? Planet-cracking. It’s less a weapon, more a lifestyle choice for Vs who think cover is for cowards. People Also Ask: "Can you pair Sasquatch’s Hammer with Sandevistan?" Technically yes, but you’ll still move like a dump truck in molasses.

Tinker Bell: Shock Therapy

River Ward’s creepy gift stuns and shocks with every tap. Charge it for a second? Enemies nap on concrete. Damage is modest, but turning gonks into twitching ragdolls never gets old. Bonus: it answers the age-old question, *"What if a taser hated joy?"

Cottonmouth: Venomous Versatility

This one-handed menace is a jack-of-all-debuffs: stun, shock, or poison—enemies get a surprise with every thump. Decent speed + solid damage = reliable chaos. Think of it as a Swiss Army knife… if the knife was dipped in neurotoxin. 🔪

Crowbar: Classic & Clunky

Ah, the timeless crowbar: equally adept at prying open doors or skulls. Decent damage? Check. Stun chance? Yep. But stamina costs sting, and siding with Solomon Reed for it feels like a dystopian loyalty test. Plus, finding it in some dark corner? Murphy’s Law indeed.

Caretaker’s Spade: Shovel of Sacrifices

Heals on kills! But also slows movement and jump height like ankle weights. Locked behind the Rogue ending, it’s a trophy for completionists, not a game-changer. Witcher 3 fans might weep; everyone else shrugs. People Also Ask: "Is the healing worth the sluggishness?" Only if you enjoy feeling like a garden gnome in quicksand.

Baseball Bat x-MOD2: Forgettable Fun

Mods add flexibility, damage is fine, stamina cost fair… but it’s about as iconic as a vending machine burrito. In a city of golden bats and electric dildos, average just doesn’t cut it. Swing it if you must, but don’t expect Johnny’s ghost to nod approvingly.

So there you have it—Night City’s finest instruments of bonk. Will V chase the Gold-Plated Bat’s bleeding glory? Or embrace Sir John’s… unique charm? Remember: in 2025, blunt force trauma isn’t just effective; it’s an art form. Now go crack some chrome domes, choomba. 😉